Magic In The Mess

Photo by  Keith Misner  on  Unsplash

This is a story about how one of the most difficult times in my life may actually have been part of the plan all along.

It started with a bump in my office floor that kept getting worse. Each day I would walk back and forth to my desk and my sensitivity once again paid off.  I could tell exactly where it was getting worse. 

That was the beginning of August. 

We found several inches of water trapped under the house which led to the contractor peeling back the floor to reveal a hole in the subfloor where I saw directly under the house and could see….dirt. 

And with any life-changing event, as it unfolded we had no control over it- we could only react to what was right in front of us. It would be up to us to change and alter course once we had more knowledge. 

There’s something extremely violating about events like this. It’s your home. Your sanctuary. Your safe place to land. And for me, also my office. I spend the majority of my time at home. 

Now that place was broken. Unsafe. Unstable. 

If we’re talking about the energy centers in the body my Root chakra was beyond blocked. It was broken. 

As events unfolded our strength and determination were tested again and again. I would guess that the majority of families wouldn’t be able to pack and move within one week’s notice. We did just that. By ourselves. Except for those nice College Hunks that moved our bulky furniture into the POD.
Me. Joe. Logan. Us 3. We did this. 

For the second time in less than nine months, our family packed our things and moved. We grabbed some essentials, moved out of our house into a hotel room which consists of around 300 square feet. It’s a feisty 300 square feet. 

A temperamental pre-teen that has no-where to hide and no bedroom door to slam especially when he’s angry about everything that’s been going on. 

An extra-sensitive dog that hates noises and slamming doors who has taken on an itching habit. 

Two parents in survival mode, trying to have tear-filled financial conversations in the dark of their room with paper thin walls so their child doesn’t hear. 

There have been some days where it was a feeling of rock bottom. I did Google once, “How to know if you’re having a nervous breakdown”. I had 6 out of the 9 symptoms. Scary day. I certainly took a nap that day. 

The truth is my intuition always told me something was wrong with the house. I pushed it off. I thought I was making stuff up. All the inspections told us we had “a good solid house”.

I’ve had several dreams over the months that there was something ‘under my bed’ but the reality was there’s nothing under my bed but the floor (because I had read somewhere it’s bad energy to put stuff under your bed). That was until the floor was cut out to reveal rotted support beams, and holes in the subfloor to the extent that the contractor was surprised that we hadn’t fallen through the floor. 

Once again my intuition was right. There was something under the bed- a big ole’ disaster. 

There’s also been this feeling, this sense that there’s a reason for this whole shitshow. It’s hard to describe or really pinpoint but the feeling is real and now I know why. 

A few months back I was working with my coach on a visualization exercise around what I wanted for my life. That vision, and story, is for another day but the feeling that it generated was real and I believe in my core that it will come true one day. 

As part of the session, my coach asked me to pick a date 5 months in the future that would be a significant event in making this dream a reality. I thought she was crazy. How would a date 5 months from now make me closer to being a published author who spoke on stages? 

I chose October 17, 2019. My parents' wedding anniversary. 

Over the past few months I’ve been doing lots of personal deep dive work, writing more, launched my services, and basically trying not to lose my mind in a hotel room while eating lots of rice and yogurt from the free breakfast bar. 

I had the date in the back of my mind but seeing since we were in survival mode, I wasn’t completely sure it would come true.

We’re coming down to the end of the renovation and Joe and I finalized the dates with the contractor yesterday. Guess which date my house will be cleaned and the furniture moved back in? 

You know where this is going. 

October 17th. 

While I’m not sure what my house falling apart, moving out, living in a hotel and taking out a new loan has to do with me moving closer to my dream of being a published author but I sure as shit believe that I’ll figure it out. 

When I looked at the calendar and realized the date I immediately felt goosebumps all over my body and a chill went up my spine. A telltale sign from my intuition that this was, in fact, magic. 

This time in our lives where our strength, determination, and beliefs would be tested to their limits was actually part of the plan all along. I had to go through this to develop the strength and resolve that I know I have as a result. This was preparing me for what’s coming next.

Have you ever felt that something that you went through prepared you for something that ended up coming next?

What if that saying really was true- things aren’t happening to you, they’re happening for you. 

I actually think that it is true and I can’t wait to experience everything as it unfolds. I’ll keep showing up, doing the work, and keep that vision alive. 

But first, I can’t wait to sleep in my bed and sit on my couch. They’re going to feel decadent. Mama’s tired.